Irish Water – It’s for your own good, now shut up and eat your cereal.

It was a brave decision to sell our public water service to private investors who will stimulate the economy by creating jobs for private security firms around the country. It’s also over time for Gardai as austerity policies have grown so unpopular that they now have to be policed. These investors, or brave job creators will monetise your public water supply and sell it back to you. This is for your own good. Money is moved upwards towards job creators, high net worth individuals, private business and away from you but don’t worry that money will create jobs and JobsBridge placements so you have the chance to earn it back. Irish water gives you the opportunity to shoulder more of Irelands debt burden than you already do and we probably didn’t need those schools anyway.
Remember that the economy needs to recover, it’s the public sector and the public who need to reform. We know because economists told us all about it, so no vested interests there. It was nurses and people on social welfare who crashed the economy so it’s only right that the public take up the challenge of an underfunded health and education system and just think of how jealous Maggie Thatcher would be at the job we have done in dismantling the welfare state, privatising our water supply just makes you even more profitable.
Irish Water has many positive knock-on effects for the economy. It makes Ireland an attractive place for multinationals to do business, giving them access to a labour market where wages have been driven down and offering a pool of free labour provided by the state. You may not be paid a living wage, or even at all but it will be for the benefit of the economy and what’s good for the economy is good for you. Now you may feel as though this is a socialist policy for business like when we bailed out the banks so you could pay for the mistakes of the financial sector. In this case we’d like to remind you that it’s economic recovery, public sector reform. The economy just needs a rest, it’s not like the financial sector is to blame for austerity measures. If you don’t like it, don’t start getting notions about having some sort of say in how things are run. Opportunities exist abroad and do pick up your mandatory 12.5% forehead tattoo on your way out, do it for brand Ireland.
You may feel some frustration as you already pay for water through taxation but these extra charges on top of the tax you already pay will make Ireland a more competitive place to do business, we provide a cheap and desperate workforce and we think that can be a good thing in itself. Privatizing our water supply is a good idea, we have always been at war with the social contract.

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